Own your gaps, love your whole self!
Your “gaps” are those aspects of yourself that are not in line with your ideal or perfect vision. We all have “gaps.” Things we struggle to accept. Parts of ourselves we are embarrassed about. Traits that feel shameful or undesirable. “Gaps” in knowledge.
Me? I wish I was taller. And could speak Spanish. And could understand world politics.
And what happens is that these “gaps” can take away from your positive self image.
Because for me, I am tempted to say “I am a decent looking guy, BUT I am so short”.
BUT! BUT?! What I end up communicating with that statement is that I am NOT good looking because I am short.
I challenge you to say “AND”!
“I am a decent looking guy, AND I am short”.
You change this one word, and a “gap,” an insecurity, a drawback, simply becomes fact. The one doesn’t take away from the other. The “good” & “bad” coexist in reality.
Owning your gaps is honest. And true. And makes you human and whole, and imperfect.
Owning gaps is a step toward being conscious and mindfully self-aware. Seeing yourself, whole, “warts and all,” allows you to face reality. (More embarrassing than a gap is not knowing you have one, and not seeing or knowing what everyone else takes as obvious fact!)
Owning your gaps also means seeing yourself as multifaceted. As dynamic and full spectrum and in a holistic manner. And made up of varied, diverse domains. And some days you feel better about X domain and worse about Y domain.
But by seeing these domains, and knowing yourself wholly, you can choose when/where/how/if you will improve on or hone certain traits. Owning your gaps means knowing what is and what isn’t. And some things just are, unchangeable and forever. But others can be modified. (I’d prefer you start with acceptance and self love. But sometimes, self love comes through healthy self-care and change efforts.)
Furthermore, by seeing yourself as multifaceted, it allows you to not place your entire self worth on one trait. If you place your worth on your looks, and ignore the “gap” that you didn’t get your masters degree … this let’s you avoid discomfort in the present. But if looks fade or change, and all your self image is tied up in that one trait, you are in for a roller coaster ride of emotions. However, if you can say, “hey, I’ve aged and gained some weight, AND I’m working on my master’s degree,” then you have a balance – down on one trait and up on another. Self image stays intact.
And here’s the real kicker: if you can’t love yourself, your whole self, your true self…how can you expect someone else to love you as you are?
The cheesy catch phrases are right. “I’ve got to be a better me before I can be a better we”
“It’s not you, it’s me”
So this self acceptance isn’t just for you. It’s a step to a healthier relationship with others as well.
OWN. YOUR. GAPS!
PS Check out my video blog to watch me give a talk on this topic!