Love is great. And arguably necessary for a lasting relationship.
But I don’t think it’s SUFFICIENT for a relationship to truly work out.
Love is not enough. Think about certain family members whom you love…but can only tolerate in doses. That sibling you can no longer live with but you’d give a kidney to.
Lasting relationships are about fit. (And fit alone is not SUFFICIENT – otherwise we’ve just got a friend or roommate.)
Love + Fit = Relationship Success
I need to care deeply for you. AND our lives and personalities have to align.
For a flower to bloom, water is necessary but it is not sufficient. Nothing happens if there is no sunlight. Together these things produce growth but alone and individually they are not sufficient.
So while love is a wonderful feeling, and something we all seek, don’t mistake love for a person as a sure sign this is the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with. We can have many loves, great ones. But some are short lived. Some are contextual. Some are based on when and how we met and then we outgrow. But the love was real.
The lasting relationship evolves. The fit and the ability to accommodate one another deepens. Effort is involved but it shouldn’t feel forced.
It’s possible to love a person but not their lifestyle. It’s ok to love someone without changing you or them to force it. Love doesn’t need to be restricted to romantic partners.
(Enter the complication of attraction. You can love and be attracted to someone but still we need fit. Maybe the model is Love + Fit x Attraction = Lasting Relationship?)
So let love flow. Enjoy giving and receiving. But pause before giving rings and house keys. Discuss political views and travel habits and career aspirations. Look at how each of you handles money. Or loss. Or anger. Or the preferred thermostat settings 😉
Then you will know if this is your PERSON.
Or maybe it’s JUST LOVE. Which is no small thing. But on its own, it’s not enough.
