You can’t have it all! It sounds like I’m saying something mean to you right now. But this is just the simple fact. In life, there’s only so much time. There’s only so much effort you can give it a day. If you put more effort into thing A, then thing B suffers. This is not bad. There’s no judgment here. This is simply a fact.
So we have to prioritize. You have to do one of two things here. (Or maybe both?) We have to consider what matters most to you? What is the goal or the thing that is most important to you? This is ripping a page from many books, but most recently the subtle art of not giving a fuck by blank. We only have so much energy or time to go around. If you are spread thin, you’re less likely to reach a goal. We must pick one. To the detriment of others, yes. But also to the success of the one.
The other thing that we can do, is to consider what is the thing that you are going to be more successful at? Where do your skills lie? I know that I’m good with people. I am better in a social or interactive or interpersonal role. I am physically skillful, but I am by no means a professional athlete. So it is better for me to put my efforts towards things that are social rather than physical in nature. If I were to pursue dreams of being an NBA player, that may be where my passion or biggest goal lie, but I’m less likely to meet with success. Again, not mean, just the facts.
And this isn’t just me talking, this is years and years of documented history. I’m not much of a reader of nonfiction or biography. But I’ve read three biographies in my life. Those of Houdini, Einstein, Da Vinci. These men were so famous that you know them simply by one name. But what I learned in reading these biographies is that they did their craft to the great detriment of so many other aspects of their lives. If you want to be great at something, you have to give up other things. Again, not a judgment, but this is a choice that must be faced. There’s always a tipping point when balance is involved. And I am a bigger fan of balance than I am of greatness; both in my own life, and as regards my patients. I am sure that if you ask them now, looking at how history has treated them, Houdini, Da Vinci and Einstein may be grateful for their life choices. But the descriptions of their lives sounded like they were fraught with difficulty and despair. They were famous for going all in on something, but sacrifices were made in personal or health domains. So I encourage you to consider balance, and then commit to one thing. The thing that matters most. The thing that you’re most likely be successful at. And then let’s make peace with the fact that no one has it all.
Those who look like they have at all, they’re not showing you all their cards. I am privy to everyone’s secrets. I get to see what’s behind perfection. And underneath the perfect person, is an imperfect person. A life that requires fine-tuning. A life that is out of balance. A person who is portraying themselves to be perfect, but this is not true. And they know it deep down.
So you can’t have it all. And that’s ok. You can be good without suffering in pursuit of great.
This is freedom. I’m gifting you freedom from a lie. From an illusion. What you were seeking never existed anyway. This is the shortcut to happiness and success.
