Tips for success in “dating” around for a therapist:
1. Start by cross referencing insurance coverage with Therapist Finder reviews. It’s nice if these align. Someone on your plan whose profile says things that click with you.
2. Ask your friends. You associate with people like you. If they like their therapist, you may as well. (Caveat – sometimes there’s a conflict and I can’t treat two friends or family members at the same time.)
3. Be realistic. The odds of someone having availability at 7pm on a Saturday for $10 an hour are extremely low. You’ll have to compromise on time, distance, cost, or connection. I recommend you don’t cheap out on the last one.
4. Give them a chance. Like dating, first impressions are not always accurate. First sessions are weird and awkward at times. Very different, often, from the rest of the therapeutic exchanges. And trust needs to be built. It’s like any other relationship. There needs to be an openness and a hopefulness. But it may not be instant connection.
5. Recognize that what you want is not always what you need. In my early training, if someone asked for a female therapist, we assigned them to a male. The logic being that people were avoiding something and needed to be forced to face it. I feel today this logic takes away too much control and agency from the patient, but the intention is not totally wrong. Maybe tough love is uncomfortable but more productive. Maybe a female that reminds you of your mom will better help you work through the issues, even if it triggers you at first. It’s a balancing act of stepping out of the comfort zone to grow … but not being so uncomfortable that you can’t take risks and be vulnerable.
…………
My most recent therapist just moved away.
So now I’m looking for someone new to talk to.
And it can be hard work! Finding the match. It’s like dating, in a way.
You find someone who sounds great, and they don’t work the hours you need. You find someone who takes your insurance, but you just don’t click. Find someone who gets you and works near your office, but their schedule is too full to see you as often as you’d like.
Getting all the pieces to align can be tough work.
Not to mention, my last therapist changed my life in so many ways. So it’s an uphill battle for someone to live up to that! It’s an unfair position for the next person. There is grief work to be done before I can even get back to the therapy work of my daily life.
Added to all this, I don’t “need” therapy many days. This pursuit gets more complicated when you’re in acute distress. A recent breakup. A death. Job loss. When it’s urgent, the pressure is greater to get an appointment with someone. Anyone! But then we still need that match.
It’s tough work but worth it. Like most worthwhile relationships.
Hope to meet some of you soon 😉
PS Give it a moment to warm up. Therapy gets better with time.
Dr G
